day by day

Day by day is how I tend to be going these days. Things are rough with school and work and juggling a family life, I don't know how single mamas do it; because I have a supporting husband and it's STILL hard.

Unfortunately, things over all are in a lull right now. I feel like we are waiting for so many things and it's hard to realize what is happening right now in front of us. We are still waiting for Eric to get promoted and it's so hard as every month goes by and we don't hear much.

We are still waiting to get pregnant. Last month was not our month and it was super hard for me. It was hard having my monthly visitor show up when I know I should have been clear for 9 months. It is so crazy to think that I would be 15 weeks pregnant today, which is when I started feeling Collin move. A week and a half later we found out what we were having.. I don't know. It hurts knowing that we would be in such a more exciting time right now if I were still pregnant, but instead I feel empty and broken. Everyone has expected me to just get over it; but I can't. I can't let go of the fact that we have been trying since December for a baby and for some reason it isn't our time. I sit and watch oodles of posts go by on my Facebook Newsfeed and so many of them are pregnant people complaining 24/7 and it just breaks my heart that people cannot realize the blessing that is staring them right in the face that so many people would do ANYTHING for.

On a happier note, Collin is getting so stinkin' big it is slightly ridiculous. He is 21 1/2 months now and I can hardly believe that I will soon have a TWO year old. He is starting to talk more, is SUCH a jock, and is just overall super cute.

His vocabulary seems to grow everyday. He now says: Mama, Dada, Doggy, Night Night, Bite, Nana [banana], grape, snack, up, PLEASE [<3], Danno [which is the kiddo that he sees when he goes to the babysitter], football, basketball, mow [which means Mickey Mouse], Spongebob... it's so nuts!

He is going to be such a sports fanatic that it's ridiculous. he points to the TV and says "football" at least once a day, he loves to watch football with daddy. He can throw a ball better than a lot of kids I have seen that are older than him. He can hit a ball pitched to him with a bat. He knows "hut hut hike" and throws the football through his legs like the pros... so cute. He also knows how to do a somersault on command. So. Freaking. Nuts.

All in all, those are the updates. I really mean to start blogging more and I am sure I will the the holidays coming up. :)

one month

It has been one month since we found out our sweet baby went to be with Jesus. As time goes on, it definitely gets a little easier, but my angel will never leave my heart.

It's still hard to hear people complain about pregnancy. That is the hardest thing... knowing that I SHOULD be pregnant right now, but I am not kills me. I will give ANYTHING to be nauseated, tired, have heartburn, doctors appointments all the time... I really would. I am not mad at the people complaining, I know that pregnancy is hard sometimes and they don't mean anything by it... but it's still hard. Between it taking nearly a year to conceive and losing the baby, it is hard to see someone complain about something I am desperate for.

I am hoping that we are pregnant again soon and that we will bring a healthy baby into this world; but until then, it's a waiting game.

Those of you that are pregnant... enjoy it. Cherish it. Remember there are women out there desperate for the chance to carry a baby and never will. I am blessed enough to have a child here on earth with me, but some people never will.