I can honestly say...

I am disappointed.

I feel so alone right now it is ridiculous. I know a few of my closest friends don't understand what I am going through, as they do not have kids, but my feelings are ridiculously hurt right now, and I don't even feel like I should say anything to them.

My D&C was on the 28th, so about 4 days ago now. I got a text from a couple of people asking how it went and if I was doing alright. I appreciated those texts. I appreciated that people were thinking about me. I did not appreciate that I didn't hear from a few people that I feel like I should have. I am upset that I STILL haven't been asked how it went or if I am doing alright 4 days later. It's like it never happened. I have received texts from both of the people in question, but neither asking how I am doing.

Something happened. I have not forgotten about it just a few days later.

I get it. It isn't easy to talk about. It isn't easy to bring up. However, it is a HELL of a lot harder to go through it, feeling like no one cares, than it is to type a few words into a phone asking if someone is okay or needs anything... or even "I am thinking of you."

This time around is so much harder than last time. I felt along last time... this time is even worse. It feels like people think that I have been through it once, so now it is second nature to me. Well, it isn't. Now I am dealing with the fact I have lost 2 babies and have been trying over a year to have one. I am dealing with the fact that a little over two weeks before I saw my dead child on the ultrasound screen, I saw that baby alive... heart beating. Those two sonograms are forever burned in my memory and it kills me to even think about them.

I think I am a good friend. I think I am there for people when they need me. I think I go out of my way to make sure they are alright. I see a status on Facebook that seems like they are sad, they get a text minutes later. They are having a rough patch in life, I ask if they wanna come over, hang out, talk...

Anyway, you get where I am going with this. I am hurt.

Apparently, it doesn't matter.