In about 2 weeks, this will be a permanent part of my body. Not as some kind of morbid grieving, but as a remembrance of my child that is in heaven. Mommy, Daddy. and Big Brother love you so much, Angel. We will meet you someday <3
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
20 months!
Collin is 20 months old today and I can hardly believe it. In 4 months I will be the mom of a two year old and it just doesn't seem possible.
The terrible 2's have already begun and the last couple of weeks have been super trying, but I am getting through it. He has gotten most of his toys taken away because he is just SO crazy with them. He chucks them across the room despite the fact that he has gotten a numerous amount of punishments. Oh well, live and learn I guess. Hopefully eventually he gets it.
He is getting SO smart. He can point out his eyes, nose, ears, hair, chin, mouth, tongue, hands, and feet when asked. He is starting to say more words. He misses daddy and asks for him most of the day when he as at work. He knows the number one and will hold up one finger when you say it. He understands 2, but he can't figure out how to hold up 2 fingers without crossing them, lol. It is so cute though.
All in all, he is a joy. He is so great around other kiddos, especially ones that are younger. I know he will be a great big brother and I am hoping that by the time his 2nd birthday comes around we will be able to tell him we will be giving him a brother or sister, but I am not holding my breath considering how long it took us to get pregnant before we lost this baby. Hopefully God will decide to bless us again soon.
The terrible 2's have already begun and the last couple of weeks have been super trying, but I am getting through it. He has gotten most of his toys taken away because he is just SO crazy with them. He chucks them across the room despite the fact that he has gotten a numerous amount of punishments. Oh well, live and learn I guess. Hopefully eventually he gets it.
He is getting SO smart. He can point out his eyes, nose, ears, hair, chin, mouth, tongue, hands, and feet when asked. He is starting to say more words. He misses daddy and asks for him most of the day when he as at work. He knows the number one and will hold up one finger when you say it. He understands 2, but he can't figure out how to hold up 2 fingers without crossing them, lol. It is so cute though.
All in all, he is a joy. He is so great around other kiddos, especially ones that are younger. I know he will be a great big brother and I am hoping that by the time his 2nd birthday comes around we will be able to tell him we will be giving him a brother or sister, but I am not holding my breath considering how long it took us to get pregnant before we lost this baby. Hopefully God will decide to bless us again soon.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
...
I want my baby back
I want my pregnancy to somehow come back and everything be okay.
I want to feel like it isn't my fault.
None of this will happen though; and I cannot talk to ANYONE about it without getting flamed.
Yes, I know I am lucky to have a healthy little boy, but it doesn't make me feel any better that my other child died inside of me.
Yes, I know I can probably get pregnant again and have another healthy baby, but that doesn't make me miss the one I carried for 7 weeks any less.
Yes, I know it will happen in God's time. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I know it was His will. That doesn't make it hurt any less.
The. End.
PS, If after that, you still want to say anything insensitive to me, we won't be friends anymore. Harsh? I don't care. Chances are, I have been sensitive in your time of need... be a friend and do the same. That doesn't mean sit and listen to me complain, it means keep your comments to yourself.
I want my pregnancy to somehow come back and everything be okay.
I want to feel like it isn't my fault.
None of this will happen though; and I cannot talk to ANYONE about it without getting flamed.
Yes, I know I am lucky to have a healthy little boy, but it doesn't make me feel any better that my other child died inside of me.
Yes, I know I can probably get pregnant again and have another healthy baby, but that doesn't make me miss the one I carried for 7 weeks any less.
Yes, I know it will happen in God's time. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I know it was His will. That doesn't make it hurt any less.
The. End.
PS, If after that, you still want to say anything insensitive to me, we won't be friends anymore. Harsh? I don't care. Chances are, I have been sensitive in your time of need... be a friend and do the same. That doesn't mean sit and listen to me complain, it means keep your comments to yourself.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
As most of you now know...
As most of you now know, I spent most of the day yesterday in the Emergency Room, worried about my pregnancy. I was bleeding and had suffered a high fever over the weekend and was becoming increasingly worried about my baby's well being, So I went in around 12:30. By 4:30 I was released after a series of tests, with no hope for my pregnancy to continue.
Since then, I have continued to bleed and cramp. I am still supposed to get some tests done at my doctor to completely verify what has happened and make sure that I pass everything.Yesterday was seriously the worst day of my life. Eric and I spent a long time waiting for this pregnancy and having it taken away so soon has been very hard for us.
In my eyes, I am still a mom of two. I don't care that I never got to meet my child. I don't care if YOU don't think it was a baby. To me, an embryo, a fetus, a baby... they are all synonyms.
So let me grieve. There isn't anything that anyone can do but give me time. I loved this baby from the moment the test line turned pink. I know I will have an angel baby waiting for me in heaven.
Since then, I have continued to bleed and cramp. I am still supposed to get some tests done at my doctor to completely verify what has happened and make sure that I pass everything.Yesterday was seriously the worst day of my life. Eric and I spent a long time waiting for this pregnancy and having it taken away so soon has been very hard for us.
In my eyes, I am still a mom of two. I don't care that I never got to meet my child. I don't care if YOU don't think it was a baby. To me, an embryo, a fetus, a baby... they are all synonyms.
So let me grieve. There isn't anything that anyone can do but give me time. I loved this baby from the moment the test line turned pink. I know I will have an angel baby waiting for me in heaven.
Monday, September 5, 2011
excitment!
As the days go by, it is starting to become more and more real that I am going to have two kids. I am so excited, in fact, that ALL I want to do is talk about it. All the time. It took us awhile to get this little peanut. I cannot wait until I feel her move, until I get a nice round belly... until people ask what I am having. I cannot wait for Collin to feel my tummy move. I cannot wait until Eric holds my belly, feeling her kicks. I cannot wait to have those moments alone, where it's just me and my belly, and just ENJOY it. I rushed through my first pregnancy and wish I would have cherished it more. I know I was miserable at the end, but I wish I would have enjoyed it more.
[excuse all the "her" references, we REALLY want a girl:)]
Anyhow, sorry if I talk about it too much, and I am sorry if I get annoying, but last time I had wedding planning to distract me. Luckily, I do not this time! I love this baby so much already... I just love being a mom.
[excuse all the "her" references, we REALLY want a girl:)]
Anyhow, sorry if I talk about it too much, and I am sorry if I get annoying, but last time I had wedding planning to distract me. Luckily, I do not this time! I love this baby so much already... I just love being a mom.
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