2011 was one heck of a year. I can honestly say I am mostly happy to see it go and hoping that 2011 is a heck of a lot better.
Good:
I got to meet one of my best friends Kathy Daniels and her daughter Lily face to face. We had been friends online for years, but the miles between here and Florida made it rough. We met in July and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I cannot wait to see them again <3
Collin turned one. Which is crazy. Even crazier, now he is only about 2 weeks away from being 2.
I went back to school. It pretty much kicked my butt, but I did keep a 3.214 Cummulative GPA, so I guess I cannot complain.
Bad:
Eric got into a pretty horrible car accident. Luckily, he did walk away from it and in all reality he shouldn't have. However, we did lose our second car which has made it hard.
Still no promotion for Eric, which also blows.
We spent most of the year dealing with trying to get pregnant. Most people wouldn't see that as a bad thing, but it was extremely stressful.
Our two losses. We lost not one, but 2 babies this year. One just days ago. I thin the second loss was even harder for me, because we saw it's sweet little heart beat just a few weeks ago. Unfortunately. the baby died two days later and we didn't know. [There is more in my last post about that]
2012 will hopefully bring better times. Hopefully it will bring us a new baby into our arms. Hopefully it will bring a promotion for my husband. Hopefully it will bring another car. Hopefully it will bring health and happiness.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I hate 2011.
Last December, Eric and I decided to start trying for another baby. It wasn't until 8 months later that we succeeded and found out that we were finally pregnant. On September 6th, we unfortunately miscarried. On November 15th, we got home from Vegas and I immediately took a pregnancy test. It was positive and we were thrilled. I went in right away to have blood work done. I was called the next day and was told my progesterone was not high enough to sustain a pregnancy. I started on 400mg of Prometrium, a hormone supplement, a day. My next set of blood work came back fine, my levels were rising. I went in on 12/8 for my first prenatal appointment and had an ultrasound. We saw our beautiful little baby with a steady heartbeat and were immediately relieved. I was 7 weeks, 5 days. I felt so much better, since the chance of miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat is only 3%. We announced to the whole family and all of our friends on Christmas day and all were so happy for us.
Yesterday, I woke up from a nap to get ready for work. I went to the bathroom and immediately realized I was bleeding. I started crying right away and called my doctor and called into work. The nurse at my doctors office told me if I hurried she could do an ultrasound since my doctor was out of the office. I got there, and my doctor was there to see me. As soon as he started the ultrasound, I saw that my baby was no larger than the last ultrasound and that the beautiful flicker was gone. He told me that the baby measured 8 weeks... which meant my sweet little one died just 2 days after my doctor's appointment and I never had a clue.
He told me I could either let the m/c happen naturally or have a D&C. I opted for the D&C since my last miscarriage was the most horrible pain I had ever experienced in my life. I got to the hospital at 6 am and was in the OR at about 8. The next thing I knew, I woke up crying... knowing my baby was no longer inside of me. I was able to go home an hour later and slept a lot of the day since they have me on strong pain medicine.
I am supposed to go back to the doctor in a few weeks to discuss the results of the pathology report on our baby's remains and talk about our future of hopefully carrying a baby to full term.
In all of this, I feel empty. I feel broken. I feel... insufficient, because I cannot seem to sustain a pregnancy and carry a baby to term. I am scared to even think of getting pregnant again at this point. I don't know if I can handle going through this one more time. Knowing I have been pregnant 3 times and only have one living child to show for it makes the odds seem horrible. Truth is, with every miscarriage someone has, their chances for a live birth go down.
I know I am blessed to have one child, as so many people have thrown in my face. However, if someone you knew lost their 6 month old baby... you would not be telling them "Well at least you have another child." or "You can always have another baby." If someone last their mom, would you say "Well, at least your dad is still alive." Would you? Of course not. Well THIS, this is the SAME thing. These were my KIDS. They were not just embryos. They weren't just a pregnancy. They were my kids and I loved them with my entire heart. Please remember that when you talk to ANYONE in this situation.
Thank you to those who have checked on me today and for your prayers and kind thoughts. They have meant a lot to our family.
Yesterday, I woke up from a nap to get ready for work. I went to the bathroom and immediately realized I was bleeding. I started crying right away and called my doctor and called into work. The nurse at my doctors office told me if I hurried she could do an ultrasound since my doctor was out of the office. I got there, and my doctor was there to see me. As soon as he started the ultrasound, I saw that my baby was no larger than the last ultrasound and that the beautiful flicker was gone. He told me that the baby measured 8 weeks... which meant my sweet little one died just 2 days after my doctor's appointment and I never had a clue.
He told me I could either let the m/c happen naturally or have a D&C. I opted for the D&C since my last miscarriage was the most horrible pain I had ever experienced in my life. I got to the hospital at 6 am and was in the OR at about 8. The next thing I knew, I woke up crying... knowing my baby was no longer inside of me. I was able to go home an hour later and slept a lot of the day since they have me on strong pain medicine.
I am supposed to go back to the doctor in a few weeks to discuss the results of the pathology report on our baby's remains and talk about our future of hopefully carrying a baby to full term.
In all of this, I feel empty. I feel broken. I feel... insufficient, because I cannot seem to sustain a pregnancy and carry a baby to term. I am scared to even think of getting pregnant again at this point. I don't know if I can handle going through this one more time. Knowing I have been pregnant 3 times and only have one living child to show for it makes the odds seem horrible. Truth is, with every miscarriage someone has, their chances for a live birth go down.
I know I am blessed to have one child, as so many people have thrown in my face. However, if someone you knew lost their 6 month old baby... you would not be telling them "Well at least you have another child." or "You can always have another baby." If someone last their mom, would you say "Well, at least your dad is still alive." Would you? Of course not. Well THIS, this is the SAME thing. These were my KIDS. They were not just embryos. They weren't just a pregnancy. They were my kids and I loved them with my entire heart. Please remember that when you talk to ANYONE in this situation.
Thank you to those who have checked on me today and for your prayers and kind thoughts. They have meant a lot to our family.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
day by day
Day by day is how I tend to be going these days. Things are rough with school and work and juggling a family life, I don't know how single mamas do it; because I have a supporting husband and it's STILL hard.
Unfortunately, things over all are in a lull right now. I feel like we are waiting for so many things and it's hard to realize what is happening right now in front of us. We are still waiting for Eric to get promoted and it's so hard as every month goes by and we don't hear much.
We are still waiting to get pregnant. Last month was not our month and it was super hard for me. It was hard having my monthly visitor show up when I know I should have been clear for 9 months. It is so crazy to think that I would be 15 weeks pregnant today, which is when I started feeling Collin move. A week and a half later we found out what we were having.. I don't know. It hurts knowing that we would be in such a more exciting time right now if I were still pregnant, but instead I feel empty and broken. Everyone has expected me to just get over it; but I can't. I can't let go of the fact that we have been trying since December for a baby and for some reason it isn't our time. I sit and watch oodles of posts go by on my Facebook Newsfeed and so many of them are pregnant people complaining 24/7 and it just breaks my heart that people cannot realize the blessing that is staring them right in the face that so many people would do ANYTHING for.
On a happier note, Collin is getting so stinkin' big it is slightly ridiculous. He is 21 1/2 months now and I can hardly believe that I will soon have a TWO year old. He is starting to talk more, is SUCH a jock, and is just overall super cute.
His vocabulary seems to grow everyday. He now says: Mama, Dada, Doggy, Night Night, Bite, Nana [banana], grape, snack, up, PLEASE [<3], Danno [which is the kiddo that he sees when he goes to the babysitter], football, basketball, mow [which means Mickey Mouse], Spongebob... it's so nuts!
He is going to be such a sports fanatic that it's ridiculous. he points to the TV and says "football" at least once a day, he loves to watch football with daddy. He can throw a ball better than a lot of kids I have seen that are older than him. He can hit a ball pitched to him with a bat. He knows "hut hut hike" and throws the football through his legs like the pros... so cute. He also knows how to do a somersault on command. So. Freaking. Nuts.
All in all, those are the updates. I really mean to start blogging more and I am sure I will the the holidays coming up. :)
Unfortunately, things over all are in a lull right now. I feel like we are waiting for so many things and it's hard to realize what is happening right now in front of us. We are still waiting for Eric to get promoted and it's so hard as every month goes by and we don't hear much.
We are still waiting to get pregnant. Last month was not our month and it was super hard for me. It was hard having my monthly visitor show up when I know I should have been clear for 9 months. It is so crazy to think that I would be 15 weeks pregnant today, which is when I started feeling Collin move. A week and a half later we found out what we were having.. I don't know. It hurts knowing that we would be in such a more exciting time right now if I were still pregnant, but instead I feel empty and broken. Everyone has expected me to just get over it; but I can't. I can't let go of the fact that we have been trying since December for a baby and for some reason it isn't our time. I sit and watch oodles of posts go by on my Facebook Newsfeed and so many of them are pregnant people complaining 24/7 and it just breaks my heart that people cannot realize the blessing that is staring them right in the face that so many people would do ANYTHING for.
On a happier note, Collin is getting so stinkin' big it is slightly ridiculous. He is 21 1/2 months now and I can hardly believe that I will soon have a TWO year old. He is starting to talk more, is SUCH a jock, and is just overall super cute.
His vocabulary seems to grow everyday. He now says: Mama, Dada, Doggy, Night Night, Bite, Nana [banana], grape, snack, up, PLEASE [<3], Danno [which is the kiddo that he sees when he goes to the babysitter], football, basketball, mow [which means Mickey Mouse], Spongebob... it's so nuts!
He is going to be such a sports fanatic that it's ridiculous. he points to the TV and says "football" at least once a day, he loves to watch football with daddy. He can throw a ball better than a lot of kids I have seen that are older than him. He can hit a ball pitched to him with a bat. He knows "hut hut hike" and throws the football through his legs like the pros... so cute. He also knows how to do a somersault on command. So. Freaking. Nuts.
All in all, those are the updates. I really mean to start blogging more and I am sure I will the the holidays coming up. :)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
one month
It has been one month since we found out our sweet baby went to be with Jesus. As time goes on, it definitely gets a little easier, but my angel will never leave my heart.
It's still hard to hear people complain about pregnancy. That is the hardest thing... knowing that I SHOULD be pregnant right now, but I am not kills me. I will give ANYTHING to be nauseated, tired, have heartburn, doctors appointments all the time... I really would. I am not mad at the people complaining, I know that pregnancy is hard sometimes and they don't mean anything by it... but it's still hard. Between it taking nearly a year to conceive and losing the baby, it is hard to see someone complain about something I am desperate for.
I am hoping that we are pregnant again soon and that we will bring a healthy baby into this world; but until then, it's a waiting game.
Those of you that are pregnant... enjoy it. Cherish it. Remember there are women out there desperate for the chance to carry a baby and never will. I am blessed enough to have a child here on earth with me, but some people never will.
It's still hard to hear people complain about pregnancy. That is the hardest thing... knowing that I SHOULD be pregnant right now, but I am not kills me. I will give ANYTHING to be nauseated, tired, have heartburn, doctors appointments all the time... I really would. I am not mad at the people complaining, I know that pregnancy is hard sometimes and they don't mean anything by it... but it's still hard. Between it taking nearly a year to conceive and losing the baby, it is hard to see someone complain about something I am desperate for.
I am hoping that we are pregnant again soon and that we will bring a healthy baby into this world; but until then, it's a waiting game.
Those of you that are pregnant... enjoy it. Cherish it. Remember there are women out there desperate for the chance to carry a baby and never will. I am blessed enough to have a child here on earth with me, but some people never will.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger...
In about 2 weeks, this will be a permanent part of my body. Not as some kind of morbid grieving, but as a remembrance of my child that is in heaven. Mommy, Daddy. and Big Brother love you so much, Angel. We will meet you someday <3
Sunday, September 18, 2011
20 months!
Collin is 20 months old today and I can hardly believe it. In 4 months I will be the mom of a two year old and it just doesn't seem possible.
The terrible 2's have already begun and the last couple of weeks have been super trying, but I am getting through it. He has gotten most of his toys taken away because he is just SO crazy with them. He chucks them across the room despite the fact that he has gotten a numerous amount of punishments. Oh well, live and learn I guess. Hopefully eventually he gets it.
He is getting SO smart. He can point out his eyes, nose, ears, hair, chin, mouth, tongue, hands, and feet when asked. He is starting to say more words. He misses daddy and asks for him most of the day when he as at work. He knows the number one and will hold up one finger when you say it. He understands 2, but he can't figure out how to hold up 2 fingers without crossing them, lol. It is so cute though.
All in all, he is a joy. He is so great around other kiddos, especially ones that are younger. I know he will be a great big brother and I am hoping that by the time his 2nd birthday comes around we will be able to tell him we will be giving him a brother or sister, but I am not holding my breath considering how long it took us to get pregnant before we lost this baby. Hopefully God will decide to bless us again soon.
The terrible 2's have already begun and the last couple of weeks have been super trying, but I am getting through it. He has gotten most of his toys taken away because he is just SO crazy with them. He chucks them across the room despite the fact that he has gotten a numerous amount of punishments. Oh well, live and learn I guess. Hopefully eventually he gets it.
He is getting SO smart. He can point out his eyes, nose, ears, hair, chin, mouth, tongue, hands, and feet when asked. He is starting to say more words. He misses daddy and asks for him most of the day when he as at work. He knows the number one and will hold up one finger when you say it. He understands 2, but he can't figure out how to hold up 2 fingers without crossing them, lol. It is so cute though.
All in all, he is a joy. He is so great around other kiddos, especially ones that are younger. I know he will be a great big brother and I am hoping that by the time his 2nd birthday comes around we will be able to tell him we will be giving him a brother or sister, but I am not holding my breath considering how long it took us to get pregnant before we lost this baby. Hopefully God will decide to bless us again soon.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
...
I want my baby back
I want my pregnancy to somehow come back and everything be okay.
I want to feel like it isn't my fault.
None of this will happen though; and I cannot talk to ANYONE about it without getting flamed.
Yes, I know I am lucky to have a healthy little boy, but it doesn't make me feel any better that my other child died inside of me.
Yes, I know I can probably get pregnant again and have another healthy baby, but that doesn't make me miss the one I carried for 7 weeks any less.
Yes, I know it will happen in God's time. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I know it was His will. That doesn't make it hurt any less.
The. End.
PS, If after that, you still want to say anything insensitive to me, we won't be friends anymore. Harsh? I don't care. Chances are, I have been sensitive in your time of need... be a friend and do the same. That doesn't mean sit and listen to me complain, it means keep your comments to yourself.
I want my pregnancy to somehow come back and everything be okay.
I want to feel like it isn't my fault.
None of this will happen though; and I cannot talk to ANYONE about it without getting flamed.
Yes, I know I am lucky to have a healthy little boy, but it doesn't make me feel any better that my other child died inside of me.
Yes, I know I can probably get pregnant again and have another healthy baby, but that doesn't make me miss the one I carried for 7 weeks any less.
Yes, I know it will happen in God's time. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I know it was His will. That doesn't make it hurt any less.
The. End.
PS, If after that, you still want to say anything insensitive to me, we won't be friends anymore. Harsh? I don't care. Chances are, I have been sensitive in your time of need... be a friend and do the same. That doesn't mean sit and listen to me complain, it means keep your comments to yourself.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
As most of you now know...
As most of you now know, I spent most of the day yesterday in the Emergency Room, worried about my pregnancy. I was bleeding and had suffered a high fever over the weekend and was becoming increasingly worried about my baby's well being, So I went in around 12:30. By 4:30 I was released after a series of tests, with no hope for my pregnancy to continue.
Since then, I have continued to bleed and cramp. I am still supposed to get some tests done at my doctor to completely verify what has happened and make sure that I pass everything.Yesterday was seriously the worst day of my life. Eric and I spent a long time waiting for this pregnancy and having it taken away so soon has been very hard for us.
In my eyes, I am still a mom of two. I don't care that I never got to meet my child. I don't care if YOU don't think it was a baby. To me, an embryo, a fetus, a baby... they are all synonyms.
So let me grieve. There isn't anything that anyone can do but give me time. I loved this baby from the moment the test line turned pink. I know I will have an angel baby waiting for me in heaven.
Since then, I have continued to bleed and cramp. I am still supposed to get some tests done at my doctor to completely verify what has happened and make sure that I pass everything.Yesterday was seriously the worst day of my life. Eric and I spent a long time waiting for this pregnancy and having it taken away so soon has been very hard for us.
In my eyes, I am still a mom of two. I don't care that I never got to meet my child. I don't care if YOU don't think it was a baby. To me, an embryo, a fetus, a baby... they are all synonyms.
So let me grieve. There isn't anything that anyone can do but give me time. I loved this baby from the moment the test line turned pink. I know I will have an angel baby waiting for me in heaven.
Monday, September 5, 2011
excitment!
As the days go by, it is starting to become more and more real that I am going to have two kids. I am so excited, in fact, that ALL I want to do is talk about it. All the time. It took us awhile to get this little peanut. I cannot wait until I feel her move, until I get a nice round belly... until people ask what I am having. I cannot wait for Collin to feel my tummy move. I cannot wait until Eric holds my belly, feeling her kicks. I cannot wait to have those moments alone, where it's just me and my belly, and just ENJOY it. I rushed through my first pregnancy and wish I would have cherished it more. I know I was miserable at the end, but I wish I would have enjoyed it more.
[excuse all the "her" references, we REALLY want a girl:)]
Anyhow, sorry if I talk about it too much, and I am sorry if I get annoying, but last time I had wedding planning to distract me. Luckily, I do not this time! I love this baby so much already... I just love being a mom.
[excuse all the "her" references, we REALLY want a girl:)]
Anyhow, sorry if I talk about it too much, and I am sorry if I get annoying, but last time I had wedding planning to distract me. Luckily, I do not this time! I love this baby so much already... I just love being a mom.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Pregnant !!
We are so excited to be expecting baby number 2!
So far, this pregnancy has proven to be much different that my last, for a multitude of reasons.
1. I am not sick, I am STARVING. I want to eat everything in sight.
2. The cravings have started early. I could eat Chipotle and Pickles all day and be a happy girl. Seriously.
3. I am already gaining weight. I lost 13 lbs before I gained an ounce with Collin, but I have already gained FIVE pounds and I am only 6 weeks along!
We are so excited that God has blessed us with another baby and cannot wait to find out whether or not it is a princess or another prince <3
[I'm not going to lie, we are hoping it's a girl ;)]
Thanks to everyone for all of the prayers!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Romeo and Juliet
In high school, I truly hated the story of Romeo and Juliet. I thought it was ridiculous that 2 teenagers would commit suicide over each other dying. Then again in high school, I didn't really know what true love is. Now, I completely understand what Shakespeare's story was really about. The kind of selfless, untainted, PURE love that a relationship can have if it is between the right people.
As most of you know, Eric was in a pretty bad accident the other day. He hit a disabled car in the HOV lane that was stopped because it's wheel had fallen off the axel. He didn't see the car in time, and hit it at about 60 mph, which ended in him spinning across all lanes of traffic on the freeway and ultimately ending up on the right shoulder. Luckily, no other cars hit him, and he sustained only minor injuries that a couple of hours in the ER took care of.
Following the accident, after the shock wore off and I was sure he was going to be okay, I couldn't help thinking about what would have happened had he not have made it. If anything would have been slightly different, he could very well be dead right now. This is when I realized the truth in Shakespere's famous love story. If it weren't for the fact that I have Collin and it's my responsibility to take care of him and love him, I don't know that I could go on without him. He is my rock, my support, and my true other half. Now I understand how some elderly people go soon after their spouse, when faced with losing your spouse and love of your life, a piece of you truly leaves.
Now of course, this is scary. I mean, feeling as if you don't want to live if you don't have your spouse there with you... it is definitely frightening. Love makes you vulnerable. Love makes you fragile. However, I wouldn't trade this love I have for anything else in the world. It is worth every risk. It is worth every fear. It is comforting to know that I am so in love that it hurts sometimes. It is amazing to know that I have the man that I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life.
As most of you know, Eric was in a pretty bad accident the other day. He hit a disabled car in the HOV lane that was stopped because it's wheel had fallen off the axel. He didn't see the car in time, and hit it at about 60 mph, which ended in him spinning across all lanes of traffic on the freeway and ultimately ending up on the right shoulder. Luckily, no other cars hit him, and he sustained only minor injuries that a couple of hours in the ER took care of.
Following the accident, after the shock wore off and I was sure he was going to be okay, I couldn't help thinking about what would have happened had he not have made it. If anything would have been slightly different, he could very well be dead right now. This is when I realized the truth in Shakespere's famous love story. If it weren't for the fact that I have Collin and it's my responsibility to take care of him and love him, I don't know that I could go on without him. He is my rock, my support, and my true other half. Now I understand how some elderly people go soon after their spouse, when faced with losing your spouse and love of your life, a piece of you truly leaves.
Now of course, this is scary. I mean, feeling as if you don't want to live if you don't have your spouse there with you... it is definitely frightening. Love makes you vulnerable. Love makes you fragile. However, I wouldn't trade this love I have for anything else in the world. It is worth every risk. It is worth every fear. It is comforting to know that I am so in love that it hurts sometimes. It is amazing to know that I have the man that I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Growing up...
Collin is 17 months old now, and nothing short of a handful... but I wouldn't have it any other way. Finding him on top of the kitchen table, attempting to walk down the stairs, and throwing temper tantrums are all normal things around this house these days. However, with the rough moments come the moments where he blows kisses, or kisses the phone when daddy is on the phone on his break at work, or gives the tightest hugs... those are the moments that mean the most.
He is starting to talk more these days, although ball is still his favorite word. He runs to the garage door when you tell him it's time to go "bye, bye". He is learning to love the word no, and shakes his head fiercely while he says it. He can somewhat eat with a fork and spoon, although he likes to steal mine.
His allergies are pretty manageable, although some days it really sucks. The allergist says that the only things he needs to stay away from 100% are eggs, oats, and any kind of nut. It definitely isn't as bad as we first though, when his tests cam back leading to wheat, oranges, and soy as well. His eczema still flairs up now and then, but nowhere near as bad and can be kept under control with a prescription ointment that is actually cheaper with our copay than anything we tried over the counter... it's only $7 for three tubes.
Seeing him growing up and becoming more independent makes us want another baby so bad, but so far... no luck. This past month was our 7th cycle of trying without success. My doctor found some functional ovarian cysts last year, and I am worried they are affecting my fertility, so I am meeting with a new doctor next month to hopefully get some answers. I am really hoping the problem is nothing serious, because we want another baby so bad. I dream about being pregnant a lot, and it makes me so sad when I wake up and it's all a dream. It's really hard when people ask when we are going to have another one, or I make one little comment that I am tired or don't feel good and everyone jumps to suggest I am pregnant... it makes me angry, sad, and annoyed.. but I try to be nice since I know they don't understand. I know God has a plan for our family and if another baby isn't it right now, I am going to have to live with that.
I start school in TWO months. I am so excited, but nervous at the same time. I can't wait to be back on track with my career goal, but its scary being a working mom, wife, and laying a full time college workload on top of it... but I am determined. I want to have my Masters by the time our last kiddo is in school so I can start my career. I know its a longshot, but I think I can do it.
This was all pretty much jumbled, but as far as life... it's okay right now. Eric just got transferred which is hard, considering he is pretty far away... but hopefully it will lead to a promotion sooner than later. I am so proud of how hard he works to take care of us.
I have been blessed <3
He is starting to talk more these days, although ball is still his favorite word. He runs to the garage door when you tell him it's time to go "bye, bye". He is learning to love the word no, and shakes his head fiercely while he says it. He can somewhat eat with a fork and spoon, although he likes to steal mine.
His allergies are pretty manageable, although some days it really sucks. The allergist says that the only things he needs to stay away from 100% are eggs, oats, and any kind of nut. It definitely isn't as bad as we first though, when his tests cam back leading to wheat, oranges, and soy as well. His eczema still flairs up now and then, but nowhere near as bad and can be kept under control with a prescription ointment that is actually cheaper with our copay than anything we tried over the counter... it's only $7 for three tubes.
Seeing him growing up and becoming more independent makes us want another baby so bad, but so far... no luck. This past month was our 7th cycle of trying without success. My doctor found some functional ovarian cysts last year, and I am worried they are affecting my fertility, so I am meeting with a new doctor next month to hopefully get some answers. I am really hoping the problem is nothing serious, because we want another baby so bad. I dream about being pregnant a lot, and it makes me so sad when I wake up and it's all a dream. It's really hard when people ask when we are going to have another one, or I make one little comment that I am tired or don't feel good and everyone jumps to suggest I am pregnant... it makes me angry, sad, and annoyed.. but I try to be nice since I know they don't understand. I know God has a plan for our family and if another baby isn't it right now, I am going to have to live with that.
I start school in TWO months. I am so excited, but nervous at the same time. I can't wait to be back on track with my career goal, but its scary being a working mom, wife, and laying a full time college workload on top of it... but I am determined. I want to have my Masters by the time our last kiddo is in school so I can start my career. I know its a longshot, but I think I can do it.
This was all pretty much jumbled, but as far as life... it's okay right now. Eric just got transferred which is hard, considering he is pretty far away... but hopefully it will lead to a promotion sooner than later. I am so proud of how hard he works to take care of us.
I have been blessed <3
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Updates
I know it has been awhile since I have updated, and I am sorry. It's hard keeping up with blogging with a little running around everywhere!
Collin is overall doing great. He is the sweetest little boy in the whole wide world and I am so lucky to be his mama. Some updates with him:
- He has to see an allergist on May 9th to be checked out. He has had such bad eczema since he was 4 months old. It finally got so bad that our doctor ordered a blood test to est for allergens. The results came back as positive for allergies to wheat, soy, egg whites, peanuts, oats, and oranges. We are at the point where we don't even know what to do at this point so he is still eating everything he has been until we see the allergist. Our doctor gave us some cream that has kept his eczema under control, which is great.
- He has such a cute little personality and is getting soooo smart. His newest thing he has learned is to point to himself when we ask him "Who's mama's booger?!" It's adorable.
- He spins himself in circles to make himself dizzy.
Overall, he is just the happiest, giggliest little boy and I love seeing his brought little face every morning :) We are so blessed.
Collin is overall doing great. He is the sweetest little boy in the whole wide world and I am so lucky to be his mama. Some updates with him:
- He has to see an allergist on May 9th to be checked out. He has had such bad eczema since he was 4 months old. It finally got so bad that our doctor ordered a blood test to est for allergens. The results came back as positive for allergies to wheat, soy, egg whites, peanuts, oats, and oranges. We are at the point where we don't even know what to do at this point so he is still eating everything he has been until we see the allergist. Our doctor gave us some cream that has kept his eczema under control, which is great.
- He has such a cute little personality and is getting soooo smart. His newest thing he has learned is to point to himself when we ask him "Who's mama's booger?!" It's adorable.
- He spins himself in circles to make himself dizzy.
Overall, he is just the happiest, giggliest little boy and I love seeing his brought little face every morning :) We are so blessed.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Full Fledged Toddlerhood
Well, I have finally come to the realization that I no longer have a "baby", I am the mother of a toddler. Collin is learning and changing so much, it is sometimes hard to keep up!
- He is walking and has been for about a month. He almost runs at time and it is so weird to see him walking around sometimes.
- His favorite word is "ball", It is usually the first thing he says to us in the morning.
- He also loves playing with balls. He has ended up with SO many, because he points and says ball at the store and we just HAVE to cave sometimes.
- We haven't found a food he doesn't like yet. He eats everything we put in front of him unless he isn't feeling good.
- He has recently learned how to give hugs and they make my day.
- He has NINE teeth that have broken through, and 3 of those are molars!
- His sleep schedule is changing a bit and he is starting to wake up earlier in the morning.
- He has HUGE feet. He is going to be 14 months old this week and is already in a size 6!
- He is in 18m-24m clothes.
- He is a CRAZY sleeper, so we will probaby hold off for about 6-9 months before moving him to a toddler bed. His head USUALLY ends up smashed into the crib rails and we will have to move him.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
My Brother
So, as some of you know, my family is QUITE comfusing... to say the least.
Anyhow, I was adopted when I was a baby and I didn't know who my biological mom was until I was 18.
I knew her all my life as my sister, and her two boys were my nephews.
Her two boys were adopted out years and years ago when she got into trouble, and we figured we would never see either one of them again. After I found out they were my brothers, I really wanted to find them again, [I ALWAYS wanted to find them again, but this made the desire even more] but had no way of doing that... no last names... nothing to go on. I figured I would never see them again.
UNTIL. The other day.
One of them showed up at my moms house LOOKING for my sister! He did lots of research and low and behold, he found her! He then went over to my sisters house, and she called me.
There were lots of tears, lots of shock, but mostly... a lot of happiness. He is going to be living in Mesa now, going to ASU. I am so happy to be a big sister.
[This is the only picture I have of us together so far, I am sure there will be more... We look a lot alike, huh? ;)]
Anyhow, I was adopted when I was a baby and I didn't know who my biological mom was until I was 18.
I knew her all my life as my sister, and her two boys were my nephews.
Her two boys were adopted out years and years ago when she got into trouble, and we figured we would never see either one of them again. After I found out they were my brothers, I really wanted to find them again, [I ALWAYS wanted to find them again, but this made the desire even more] but had no way of doing that... no last names... nothing to go on. I figured I would never see them again.
UNTIL. The other day.
One of them showed up at my moms house LOOKING for my sister! He did lots of research and low and behold, he found her! He then went over to my sisters house, and she called me.
There were lots of tears, lots of shock, but mostly... a lot of happiness. He is going to be living in Mesa now, going to ASU. I am so happy to be a big sister.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Collins Birthday!
I cannot believe our sweet baby boy is finally one! We had a great time with him celebrating his special day.
On his actual birthday, his grandma and I went to the mall to take him on his first ride on the carousel, and boy did he love it even though I thought he would be terrified! He was a pro!
Later that night, Eric and I took him to Olive Garden for a special birthday dinner! He didn't eat much, I think he was too excited. He did enjoy his breadstick, though.
When we got home, he got to have his cake. He even had fun sharing some with mama :)
On Saturday, we had his big party. Almost SIXTY people showed up! It was intense and our baby boy definitely got spoiled! [all of the following photos were taken by Stephanie Stimbert!]
It was SO much fun and even though Collin only slept for 30 minutes the ENTIRE day, he had SO much fun and was in a great mood. All good things have to come to an end though, this was him that night....
On his actual birthday, his grandma and I went to the mall to take him on his first ride on the carousel, and boy did he love it even though I thought he would be terrified! He was a pro!
Later that night, Eric and I took him to Olive Garden for a special birthday dinner! He didn't eat much, I think he was too excited. He did enjoy his breadstick, though.
When we got home, he got to have his cake. He even had fun sharing some with mama :)
It was SO much fun and even though Collin only slept for 30 minutes the ENTIRE day, he had SO much fun and was in a great mood. All good things have to come to an end though, this was him that night....
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